Fooling Around with Bagels

I mentioned earlier that I had cut back to only one online dating profile.  I’ve stopped checking my OKCupid, Tinder, and POF because the pool of men was either far too wrong for me or far too far. Now I only check Coffee Meets Bagel (full discloser: I haven’t been check that one very regularly lately).

The concept, if you are not aware, is very similar to Tinder where you swipe right or left but instead of getting a whole bunch at once you get one a day. Logically this would mean you may want to put some thought into your swipe choice, practically though I’m afraid that it is simply not true. I thought it would be better, but so far it’s been a bigger let down than Oklahoma’s Final Four appearance.  I mean seriously OU, 95-51…REALLY? But basketball aside, I have had at least a couple of interesting interactions with Coffee Meets Bagel.

Today I bring you the story of a fool. A fool who did not understand the concept of “fooling around.”

Now when I say fooling around I’m sure you all got a pretty clear picture of what is meant.  Generally the act of fooling around involves sex or sexual acts. This bagel and I had been chatting via text at this point and he happened to be close by where I live so we agreed to meet up.  I offered to meet him for drinks but Mr. Bagel had other ideas.  He wanted to meet up and fool around.

I very quickly told him there was no way in hell I was going to drive to meet some stranger and fuck in his car. I may not always be the classiest of ladies, but Jesus Christ! That is a line I will not cross.  He then tried to make me believe that fooling around did not imply sex. HA! It was at this point that my sassy button was activated.  I told him that I may be from the Midwest and therefore unfamiliar with the language of “civilized” company but where I come from fooling around tends to get one in trouble or worse pregnant.

Needless to say I blocked his number and coffee never did meet bagel.

Advice from the Newlyweds: Tinder

Not long ago my friend Donna (Advice From The “Newly Engaged”) and I were discussing the merits and pitfalls of dating in our 20’s.  We have both had some pretty varied experiences, but our conversation kept coming back to Tinder.  So, as a recently married woman who has had plenty of relationships with zero attempts at online dating, I asked her to weigh in and she had this to say.

Tinder, I’m Falling In Love
At the age of 24, I feel I am an anomaly by being married already. I love my husband, and would change nothing. I spent most of my college career single, chasing boys and shots. I met my husband my freshman year, but did not start dating him until my senior year, so I understand that it can take time for a relationship to click! However, there is one thing my generation seems to love that I cannot wrap my mind around: Tinder.

Tinder became poplar right as I left the dating scene, so my personal experience with the technology is limited. I understand how it works and its convenience. I moved to a new place and had a hard time making friends, so I can appreciate how the app helps connect you to people. I just have one question: does it take away the mystery of the experience?

If you are looking for a quick hookup, then I completely understand. I judge no one who uses Tinder. My husband and I ended up together through a series of convoluted events brought to us by the roller coaster of life – 3 years after we met drunk at a party. It was a long, hard road to get there. The night my husband and I discussed the possibility of taking our friendship to the next level, I was actually stood up by another guy. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.

After 3 years of wondering if we would ever connect, it happened. As I reflect on that evening, the entire experience seems surreal or other worldly that the stars all lined up so we could be together; it’s mystical. Do people have that when they date someone on Tinder?

So there you have it. Personally, I think that apps like Tinder, that are more hook up apps than dating apps, take away all mystery and excitement of meeting someone in real life.

 

Nameless

Do you ever run into someone you know but cannot for the life of you remember their name and you are too embarrassed to ask? Ever gone on a date with them? Well I did.  And true to my dating form it was awkward and weird as hell.

I’d been living in Maryland for a few months now and I’d talked to several people on multiple dating websites and apps (I’ve since cut back to 1 for now).  Of course with so many dogs in the fight I was bound to win a couple.  And by win I mean get a few numbers.  I talked to several but most petered out.  One of these failed conversations text me TWO months later asking if I wanted to go out to dinner. completely out of the blue.  It had been so long I’d removed him from my contacts list (if I ever had him in there in the first place).

From our last conversations (conveniently still in my phone) I realized this was the guy who was just looking for something casual and had previously only wanted to Netflix and “Chill”.  At the time I was still beating myself up heavily over my mistakes with “A” (The Almost Relationship) including my failed attempt at being okay with being one of many, so I turned him down on all fronts.  But this second time I was more open to the idea of something casual, and he clearly had changed tactics and may have even changed his mine on the idea of dating. So I agreed, after all it was just dinner and I had nothing to lose.

He told me we were going to go to this great new steak place a few towns over.  Another sign that he may have changed his mind.  When he picks me up I realized that I still don’t know his name, but now I don’t feel like I can ask. I just roll with it, and let this nameless stranger take me to dinner at this new steakhouse.  Well if not knowing his name was a bad thing, then the steakhouse choice was even worse.  He took me to Texas Roadhouse!  Now I know some of you, maybe even most of you, will tell me that it is a good restaurant and there was a time with you that I would have agreed. However, the last time I ate there I found, not 1, but THREE long dark hairs in my food.  THREE! Needless to say I was completely disgusted and never ate there again until my date with nameless.

Well the date progressed and it wasn’t to bad, except for the fact that he did not really know how to hold down a conversation and asked me the same questions over and over again.  Then it was time for the bill.  I had my card out to split the bill (because I am a modern female, I wasn’t going to pay for it because he asked me out but I’d definitely cover my share) and he insisted. We get home and he practically invites himself in, I turn him down and then never hear from him again.

That’s not exactly true.  He messaged me about 5 months later!  I did not respond. 

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Gone Fishin’

I’ve been meaning to take this fishing trip for a while now.  No, I don’t mean actual fishing with a pole and some earthworms.  I mean date fishing, on Plenty of Fish.  That’s right.  Tinder has become a bore in …

Dating and the Small Town

I didn’t post the past two weeks because I was in the process of moving, yet again!  This time I moved all of my stuff from my moderately sized one bedroom apartment in Raleigh, NC to a three bedroom apartment, roughly the same size that I now share with two other girls….in Chestertown, Maryland.  That’s right, I’m not living on the Eastern Shore of Maryland in a small town of 5000 people.  However, small is relative.

The town I grew up in had about 2000 people and nothing much but some bars and hair salons.  Chestertown is a thriving metropolis by comparison.  I mean they have a Taco Bell, KFC, McDonalds, and a Dunkin Donuts!  Heck, they even have a college and a sushi restaurant!  This boded well for my dating life, or so I thought.

While the town is quite bustling, it still falls prey to some of the common small town issues.  Namely DRAMA!  I’ve already tried to go on a date with a guy, only to be told he’d have to cancel because his ex was going to be working at the restaurant we were meeting at that night.  Quite often. while sitting in the bakery across the street from my apartment, I over here the most intricate mapping out of how Susan and Ruth are eskimos sisters at least 7 times. Apparently, there isn’t a man in this town who hasn’t dated at least half the single female population.

Then comes the other issue.  Online Dating.  I frequently use apps and online dating sites to meet people.  But in a small town, to find someone to match with you often have to go 30+ miles away.  Now, coming from Iowa and having a job that requires a lot of driving this isn’t really a problem for me.  Until you realize that I live on the Shore and between the Shore and the rest of Maryland is the Chesapeake Bay which I can only get around 1 of three ways and it takes at least an hour.  Still not seeing the problem?  Well as the crow flies, Baltimore and DC both fall within the radius dating sites use to find matches “in your area”, but what would normally be no more than a 45min drive becomes twice as long thanks to the Bay.  So I haven’t been on any dates yet.

Basically, dating and small towns don’t mix well.

Cupid and the Tax Man

I have finally gone on my first date from OkCupid.  And I must say it didn’t go as expected.  Given my history for bizarre dates one expects that this internet date would also prove to be something of an oddity.  But what happened was far more disturbing and upsetting.

We had talked for quite a while on the dating site before we finally exchanged numbers. I’m always a little hesitant to pass out my phone number to people I’ve never met in person, but have no fear of passing it out to strangers I meet in the street.  Odd, I know, but by now you’ve surely guessed that I am far from normal. Once I finally did share my number with this person we chatted about growing up in the Midwest and how much the Ohio State Buckeyes are hated throughout the country. We finally set up a Sunday brunch date a few weeks ago.

Now, I haven’t been on too many dates lately as my life had gone a little off kilter and this was my first time back on the horse.  And if I had been born any kind of normal it would have been the perfect date to jump back in on.

Wait a minute Dana….I thought you said this date was disturbing and unsettling!?!

You’re right, I did say that.  And it was.  The date was completely normal.  100% standard! And for me that is extremely disturbing.  I have never had a standard date before.  Even the ones people would consider to be a normal set up for a date end up taking a weird twist.  I had no idea what to do on a date that’s normal.  We had brunch, and talked about his job in corporate tax. YAWN!  I’m boring myself just thinking about it.

So that’s a little harsh.  I did enjoy my time with him because I did get a brief respite from my wack-a-doodle life. But as someone who can’t seem to stay in one place too long the thought of being with someone who was putting me to sleep upsets me deeply. I did give him a second chance, chocking up the boring time as nerves.  Mr. Tax Man was just as boring on the second date. So we parted ways.

But I’m about to meet my second OkCupid date as I type this post.  Tea at Tin Roof Teas!  Even if this new person is boring at least I’ll get to try some exciting new teas.

Tea > Boys

Adventures in Nerd Dating: Letting Your Fandom Show

On the last “Adventures in Nerd Dating”….. I talked about my nerd test, this week its all about what happens when someone passes that test AND shares some of your interests. As most of my dates start out I met …

Solving the Friend Conundrum

A few weeks back I mentioned that I’m not sure how to make friends since leaving college.  Honestly, I’m still not sure I know how, but I did finally manage to make some.  As you may have noticed I like …

Letting Cupid Do His Thing

So I’ve grown a bit tired of random tinder messages and in the interested of diverse research I’ve signed up for another free dating service.  I’ll let you take a guess which one…go on guess….Give up?  Its OkCupid. And here are my first impressions:

1) There are just as many awkward sex requests as there are on Tinder.  No big deal, I really didn’t expect that to change.  In fact given that we don’t have to both like each other in order to send a message I expected more.  Though I have already had 2 strange request. One asking if I wanted a BDSM relationship that wanted to treat me “like the queen [I am]” and another asking if he could help me orgasm but didn’t want to have sex he just wanted to massage me.

2) I like that there is a bit more questions and descriptions to be utilized.  It makes it easier to start a conversation with someone rather that just saying “Hi, how are you? ;)” Now I can ask questions like “I see you like basketball, who’s your favorite NBA player?”  or i can be asked questions like “You take karate? What belt level are you at?”

3) Premium Cupid… Okay I understand this is a company that needs to make money and there are some people on the internet who will pay for pretty much anything, no big deal I just wont pay money for something I can get for free.  That is not the issue I have with the Premium membership.  I don’t like that people can see when I read there messages and then bombard me with more.  Some people are quite desperate and the “why aren’t you responding?” questions get old very fast.

As for dates I haven’t had one yet.  I’ve received a few invites but have yet to bite on any. But don’t worry it won’t stay that way for very long.

PS Sorry about the late post…its been a busy week!

A Decent Indecent Proposal

Time for another tale of Tinder woe.  It is a well established fact that the infamous dating app is used by men and women for casual sex almost as much, if not more, than actual dating. Through my use of Tinder I have received many unwanted propositions for sex.  I’ve even mentioned some of them on this blog before, but one truly stands out in my mind as being the most decent indecent proposal one could possibly receive.

I was just having your standard night of swiping when a match started to message me.  There was the obvious flirtation and initial questions being asked.  “Are you from around here?” “Do you prefer burritos or pizza?” “What do you do for a living?” Things are going really well.  This guy is attractive and the conversation is good so I’m thinking about asking him for drinks later in the week. And then he hits me with the truth.

He asks me what I’m looking for on Tinder and I explain that I’m not looking for casual sex, just some people to hang out with and if it becomes more great.  I also explain that I’m not really looking for anything serious, but I reiterate the “No Casual Sex” point. He then says something to this affect “Oh, that’s cool.  I’m just looking for someone to have sex with when I’m around since I’m quite busy and you seemed like a good candidate because you travel for you job a lot as well. But its cool that you’re not in to that.  Have a good night”

This people, this is how I would like to be propositioned if I must be propositioned at all.  He clearly stated his intentions up front and when I said I wasn’t interested he respected that choice and didn’t press the issue. Its crazy that this is something that is out of the ordinary and not what one expects. It should be, but more often than not intentions are blurred or “no” is not taken to mean “no”. It can make dating kind of scary, that’s why I always tell my dates I’m an ax murderer….Okay maybe I don’t.